A FRIDAY MEDITATION – No Disconnect

 

 

“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” – Hebrews 10: 25

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. ~ Matthew 18:20

So, let me try this again. The last two Meditations that I have written have been lost somewhere in the bowels of the computer. Maybe they didn’t need to be read. Let’s see what happens with this one.

This week, I met with my two soul friends for our monthly “Check In”. As you know, or may not, “Check In” is one of the spiritual disciplines in our Trinity Way of Life – Element #6, to be exact. Those who practice this discipline plan to meet regularly to talk and then to pray about one’s spiritual life, which usually includes life in general, so as to be accountable to one or two other people for our spiritual lives. Topics often include how it is going in our life with God and/or with us and our neighbor? Are we growing in Jesus-likeness? Do we need to work on forgiveness, etc.? Are we stuck? If so, what is getting in the way of our growing? How do we get back on track? My check-in group meets once a month, though we are in contact almost daily. This group always, always raises my spirits.

This month, I shared a dream that I had the night before. It was one of those dreams that makes an impression that is not easy to forget as it hangs around the edges of consciousness and demands attention. I know that I need to pay attention to those dreams because they always have something to tell me. The dream was this: “I was at a conference, I believe. Probably a women’s conference. There is one coming up in a couple of months, so perhaps that is what triggered me. I had brought a bunch of new sandals and we were asked to put our shoes in a pile on the floor in the middle of the room. At the end of the day we were to go get our shoes. All of mine were missing. I spent some time looking around but none of them were anywhere around. There was more to the dream, but I don’t remember it. I don’t think that is was important to the plot.

When I talked about this dream with my friends, I had some ideas about its meaning. I thought that it had something to do with my feeling of being disconnected from myself, my ministry and from God. It had a sense of urgency to it especially when I was trying to find my shoes. When I got home I looked up the symbol of “shoes” in my dream book. Now, I don’t put much faith in the dream book, but sometimes it gives me a hint, that I know to be true, about what is going on within. This is what it said ~ “SHOE: Grounding. Things which protect you on your journey through life. Do not judge another until you have walked in his or her shoes. Wearing to many shoes? Filling too many roles.”

I think the first part of this applies to the dream I had. I was thinking along those lines but just hadn’t put it together yet. “Grounded” is more what I feel I’m lacking at the moment because of all that has gone on with me the last seven months, than that I feel disconnected. The fact that I’m having trouble writing, that I can’t sing, that I sometimes have to reschedule appointments with people for spiritual direction, and that it takes me two or three hours to get ready every morning might account for some of it. This needs further prayer and pondering.

So, what do I do about this aside from prayer and pondering? Not to neglect meeting together comes to mind. That has to do with meeting in my small group and meeting together with the larger community. I need to show up. I need to take Holy Communion. I need to pray with others. And I need to remember my history with God. I need to remember other times I have felt this way. These feelings don’t last forever even though they seem as if they will. I need to remember that there is no way I can really be disconnected from God even when it seems so. When I check in with my soul friends, and when we share our lives and pray together, they help me remember. When I am in community with others, I remember. My experience with God in the past has shown that when I have felt disconnected, the Holy Spirit has been working deep inside of me and I come out of the darkness having grown more grounded rather than less. Thanks be to God.

And now, because I haven’t been singing much, I finish with a song which lifts my spirits, too:

In Christ alone my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground; firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease.
My Comforter, my All in All. Here in the love of Christ I stand.” (Stuart Townend, Keith Getty)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A FRIDAY MEDITATION – Practice Gratitude

 

“… I cry to you for help, O Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you.”  ~ Psalm 88:13

 

I woke up one day this week afraid that I’m trying to kid myself and I’m not going to get well.  I wonder if this cough that’s plaguing me is really the cancer taking over rather than simple allergies.  Some days it’s hard to act healed.

 

My eye catches the picture of the woman touching the hem of Jesus robe that is hanging on the wall across the room from my prayer chair. I’m going to grab hold and hang onto his robe today. I think I had better tie myself to it in case my arms and hands get tired of hanging on.  Then he can just drag me along with him because I’m not giving up.

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.” ~ Anne Lamott

I try but the state of my health tells me how many fears I still have.  These are old fears.  I thought they were healed and gone.  Why are they here now? I’m afraid of so many things still – Travelling in a car, train, or airplane. War. Homelessness – I’ve been there a couple of times. Hunger – here also, not being loved, death and dying, drowning – I almost did or at least I thought so, not being able to breath. etc. These fears rear their ugly heads. I’m a died in the wool scaredy cat, it seems. What do these fears have in common? What are they saying to me?

After sitting with my questions for a few minutes, I realize that they all have to do with control or, rather, feelings of not being able to control things. I didn’t know these were still there. This is a biggie. I certainly need to stay tucked inside the hem of Jesus’ robe. All these negative thoughts, my anxiety, etc. are, most likely, from the evil one who would try to cause me to give up on trusting God.

So, what to do? The cure or antidote to these fears is most likely gratitude and giving thanks to God. Gratitude gets us out of ourselves. But, as our Trinity Way of Life says, we need practice.  If we don’t practice, we forget.  Or maybe it’s just me. I forget.

Today, among other things, I am grateful for the gift of life, meeting and lunch with soul friends, for the many pray-ers who pray for me and others. There are so many more things to thank God for.  To be grateful for.  I’m thankful for the new snow.  Not only because it brings much needed moisture, but also because it is beautiful.  I checked on it when I was up walking around in the middle of the night. As it came down and lay on the ground, some of the flakes sparkled and twinkled like diamonds as they caught light from surrounding street lights. It was like they were lit from within by God light.  Perhaps, they were.

Thank you, Creator Father, that you are with me and I am in you.

Thank you, Jesus, that you hold my hand and carry me in your robe.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, that you give power to heal and courage to keep going forward.

Thank you, God who holds our fears and carries us when it is difficult to walk.

Thank you for those in community with me who come along side.

Help me be aware of your presence. Always.

 

The last few days during my prayer time, I have imagined myself with Jesus surrounding me.  It was like I was inside him, somehow. Jesus said, “I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.  I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one…”  ~ John 17:20-22.  In my image there was always a black line attached to him, somehow, and going around me.  It was just there, and I didn’t pay any attention to it really.   Finally, I asked myself what that line was doing there and the words “black belt” came to me. Jesus is wearing a black belt??? Maybe it’s mine. I need to meditate on this one for a bit longer.

 

“There is no amount of darkness that can extinguish the inner light. The important thing is not to spend our lives trying to control the environment around us. The task is to control the environment within us. ~Joan Chittister, OSB

 

Peace & Good, Donna

 

A FRIDAY MEDITATION – Creation Sings

 

Creation sings the Father’s song; He calls the sun to wake the dawn
and run the course of day, till evening falls in crimson rays.
His fingerprints in flakes of snow: His breath upon this spinning globe;
He charts the eagles flight, commands the newborn baby’s cry.
Refrain: Hallelujah! Let all creation stand and sing: “Hallelujah!”
Fill the earth with songs of worship, tell the wonders of creations King.
—Keith and Kristyn Getty, Stuart Townsend

It’s the third week of Advent and my tree and house decorating are coming along. There’s plenty of time. Wait! I realize that we don’t have a fourth week of Advent this year. The fourth Sunday and Christmas Eve are the same day, so Advent is shortened. I’m honestly disappointed about that. Now, I’ll have to hurry through preparations that I usually have an extra week to accomplish. The tree is about half done – the star is atop the tree but not yet lit. That happens after church services on Christmas Eve. Greenery still needs spread around, and a few things need wrapped. How do I do this without getting into hurry mode? Just do it, comes to me. If everything is not done, so be it.

After prayers on Thursday morning, I sat in my prayer room and watched the snow fall. I practiced being present to the moment not thinking about past or future or even the rest of the day. I was just being there waiting for the morning light. Sometimes the snow fell straight down and sometimes it swirled around with the wind. I continued to sit there after the light came and people began to move about outside.

Today, I decided to practice the awareness exercise, again, while watching the morning break into light. The light was just beginning to show up. Staying in the moment requires some staying in the moment. I need that in my life right now because my mind tends to jump from the past to the future without stopping to consider what is right in front of me much of the time.

The sun is not yet up as I look out my prayer room window, but there is a faint peachy glow in the part of the eastern sky that I can see. There are no clouds to catch the glow.

The HOA has shoveled the public sidewalks but not our driveways and walks to our front door (I hope they do that soon. Then I remember they only do that when we have over two inches of snow.) Oops! Out of the moment there. At least I am aware of that.

I look at the trees. They all or most got trimmed this week. Their branches are black etchings against the brightening sky. I look at my poor little tree. Apparently, it has been there for several years, but it hardly grows. It mostly looks like a tall skinny stick. There are three of what could be called side branches with a twig or two coming from them. I thought it might do better this year because I put the blessed dirt from “dirt Sunday” (Rogation Sunday) around it. It did get a little taller and have more twigs coming from the trunk and more leaves on it this summer. However, the strong wind we had in early fall blew all the little twigs off it, so we are more or less back where we started. I think the HOA should replace it. Oops again. Back to the moment although there might be a meditation with some accompanying scripture verses here.

The air seems still but then I notice that there must be tiny wee gusts of moving air as the steam coming out of roof vents is dancing around. There is an airplane high in the sky with a little contrail following. The pastel peach of the sky is brighter.

I feel the presence of God sitting with me and we watch the growing light together.

My husband wakes up and comes into the room. The sun pops out and it looks like a blue sky, cold day is ahead. The snow is all sparkly as if diamond dust had been sprinkled around. Peace abounds.

So, why did I write about this. Two reasons. One, I knew I was going to write down the results of this prayer exercise after I finished because that helps me focus. Two, I wanted to explain to you what I’m talking about in staying in the moment and awareness. It is noticing what’s here with me right now, because I don’t live in the past, or shouldn’t, and the future isn’t here yet. Another reason is that I needed to write something. Ok. So that’s three or four reasons, but I wasn’t counting.

I found an article in my files and I have no idea who wrote it. I don’t think it was me, but I am going to share it with you.

Being present means you are in touch with reality as it is. Reality is what exists now in the form of this moment, everywhere. Your mind can remember the past and contemplate the future, but neither are real, nor are your mind’s ponderings accurate reflections of either.

The present is the only moment in which you actually exist. All things and all change happen in the present.

Therefore, to be present means to let go of your intense focus on the mind and instead be exactly where you are as you are. When you are present you can feel your own presence [and the presence of God]. You are here, attentive, silent, listening and waiting but with complete relaxation and surrender.” ~ Unknown

Merry Christmas to you. May your day be filled with awareness and blessing.
Donna

 

A FRIDAY MEDITATION – With Gratitude

 

All day long I hope in Your goodness.

Remember Your love,

The love that You promised long ago.

And the kindness that you

Gave from of old.

 

Refrain: To You, Yahweh, I lift up my soul O my God.

To You, Yahweh, I lift up my soul, O my God.

~ Tim Manion, “I Lift Up My Soul

 

 

 

I just don’t know what to write about anymore. I have a hard time getting my mind to focus. The thoughts that go through my head are full of me.  I’m being so self-focused. How do I feel today? I can’t seem to concentrate or meditate.  Sometimes I’m a bit afraid and I need to give myself a good talking to. People ask how I am and all I know to say is, “I’m hanging in there.” Or “I’m ok.” And I am ok, even when I’m not. This meditation is days late and I had it mostly ready on Friday of last week. I just couldn’t finish it.

 

 When a person is seriously ill, all of one’s days seem to be the same.  Or at least it seems so to me. I can plan to do a certain thing, but I may not feel well enough to do what I plan. Or I might have a doctor’s appointment somewhere.  In the last four months, I have been in the hospital four times and in ER three or four as well. I have said, often, that I try to stay in the moment because that is the place I really live.  I don’t live in yesterday and I don’t live in tomorrow, but really living today is, many times, difficult.

 

I had an appointment with the cancer nurse about two weeks ago and she told me that the doctor is not going to give me the cancer drug again. That’s good because we’ve tried it twice.  I have had two episodes of septic shock while taking it – the second episode was the very day that I restarted it. My last two hospital stays were because of serious reactions to that medication and those episodes have really sapped my energy. The first one nearly killed me. My life now, for sure, is in the hands of God, but then, life really is anyway, isn’t it? I continue to hang tight to the hem of Jesus’ garment. But there are other things I can do.  God things. Jesus things.

 

 I can, and have decided to, take something from each day that comes.  I can focus on where I have noticed the presence of Jesus this day. What has God given to me? What joy? What insight? What sense of his presence? What God moment? What gratitude? What event took place? Perhaps a disappointment. What did God teach me through that disappointment? When in this day was I closest to God? When did I feel far from God or did I? Where did I see light today? When did I give it? For what was I grateful today? Most grateful? In our evening prayer I can, and did, talk this day over with Jesus.

 

Part of this exercise is called the Examine of Consciousness (awareness). This is NOT the Examination of Conscience used for preparation before making a confession. The Examine was developed by St. Ignatius Loyola but I have added some of my own questions for reflection.

 

These last two weeks I’ve been trying to deliberately be more aware of God in my day. Since Thanksgiving was yesterday, my main focus for the week has been on gratitude and giving thanks. Sometimes, when a grateful thing happens, I send myself a note so that I don’t forget these things at the end of the day and can list them.

Included in my list for the last two weeks of gratitude are thanksgivings for the many prayers being said for my healing and for comfort for my family

For delicious meals brought in

 

For a warm fire on a cold, grey day, watching the flames and feeling God’s presence

 

Feeling better and stronger some days

 

Being able to do a few household chores

 

Being able to sing a bit more

 

My voice is stronger

 

Good day with Soul Friends

 

I walked around the block.  Ok, it’s a long block. Without backup.  First time in awhile.

 

 See how much better I feel after just listing some of my grateful things.  I thank God for them and you. If you want to know more about the Examine, let me know,

 

 When you’re looking for JOY, you will always find it hiding in your GRATITUDE ~ unknown

 

 May you find many grateful things the rest of this Thanksgiving week for which you want to thank God. 

 

 Peace and Good, Donna

 

A FRIDAY MEDITATION – Rule or Law?

A Spiritual Discipline is an intentionally directed action which places us in a position to receive from God the power to do what we cannot accomplish on our own … Richard Foster, “Life with God”

I read the other day in the news that scientists or archeologists have found evidence, in Morocco, I think, of homo sapiens 100,000 years older than the oldest found so far. Wow!! That boggles my mind. How many years is that? More than I can fathom. I thought you might like to know just in case you missed that news segment.

I have been sitting here on this gloomy day trying to get a clue of something I would like to write. Nothing comes to mind. It has been a busy week and I am a bit tired. That might have something to do with it, but writing for me is a spiritual discipline; it helps me voice what is going on inside myself. As a very strong introvert, things I’m thinking about may not be thought through. They just hang out inside until I get tired of them. So, what is going on? I’m rather bored with myself today.

Politics – I don’t want to write about that.

This week at our meeting, St. Anne’s chapter of the Daughters of the King will be reviewing and sharing our personal rule of life. What spiritual disciplines do we practice, now? Are they working for us? Does something need tweaking? Do we need a pause button? How is our Sabbath practice? You get the idea.

When I began to have a rule of life many years ago, I used one that was given to us at Cursillo. The components of this rule were three – Prayer, Study, and Action. This rule was to be lived in community – the Church – and reinforced by meeting together in a small group to check how we all were doing. We need a rule to regulate our spiritual lives. It is not a law which we are bound to follow and perhaps get wrong. Shame. Our rule is to open space for God and help us serve others. Love God and love our neighbor – Jesus said this is what it’s all about.

My rule of life changes every so often, but it always includes those above. It is based on the Rule of St. Benedict which I might write about another time. The Daughters have a rule of prayer and a rule of service, and though not one of our rules we have a focus of evangelism – spreading the good news by telling our story and praying for the spread of the Kingdom of God. Our disciplines for our spiritual growth are based on the Baptismal Covenant.

I believe everyone needs a rule or a way of life if they are serious about growing spiritually. It is so easy to drift. I need to guard drifting in my own life. As a spiritual director, one of the things I do is help people decide what to do to open that God space and strengthen prayer and ministry in their lives as well as I need to do in my own. We are fortunate to have a corporate Way of Life for our congregation. It strengthens our community life and is a good place to begin.

It always happens. I think I have a handle on this and somebody interjects another element – not to the Trinity Way – but to my way. It went like this, “Keeping your body in shape is a spiritual discipline. It’s not just about losing a few pounds, wanting to live longer, or trying to look nicer. ~ Richard Warren

Then why? I want to know.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you were bought with a price; therefore, glorify God in your body.” ~ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Well, there are times when some people stop preaching and go to meddling. So, what to do…. I have been rather lax lately. I have been low energy and not feeling top notch. Do you suppose that not exercising might have something to do with it? My diet is not always great and I need to make some doctor’s appointments. I most definitely need to add this piece to my rule of life. The last few days, I have reintroduced stair climbing into my exercise routine. Whew!! Well, it is my exercise routine all by itself at the moment. I have some work cut out for me.

It is well and good, Lord, if all things change, provided we are rooted in you. If I go everywhere with you, my God, everywhere things will happen for your sake, that is what I desire. ~ St. John of the Cross

A FRIDAY MEDITATION – A Good Day

O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land where there is no water.”
– Psalm 63:1

I’m feeling overwhelmed today
With Jesus

Me

A child of God and inheritor of God’s Kingdom
Not only inheritor but
Resident now in this very present

Called to become
More like Jesus
Gifted with Holy Spirit who gives power
Enables my becoming
And power for doing what God desires
Strengthens the presence of his Kingdom on earth today

Unbind them and set them free, he tells me
My mission statement
May it be like his

Loved
Forgiven

“Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
—Leonard Cohen, “Anthem”

I am so grateful
Sing

“I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving…. For the Lord hears the needy.” ~ Psalm 69:30,33

Dance with joy (Don’t know how)
Jesus doesn’t mind
My dancing partner
Leads

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” ~ Psalm 30-11

Play
Need to
Important Spiritual discipline
And Sabbath time

“What did you see today that was beautiful? Remember it. Savor it. Thank God.” ~ Fr. James Martin, SJ

Blue sky, birds
Children – Mine
Family
Peach pie
Practicing Gratitude

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.” ~ 100:4

Brings joy
In the Lord
I am grateful

In Love

Come join the dance

Overwhelmed today
With Jesus

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~ Romans 15:13

A FRIDAY MEDITATION – Way of Life

 

“Discipline means to prevent everything in your life from being filled up.  Discipline means that somewhere you’re not preoccupied.  In the spiritual life, discipline means to create that space in which something can happen that you hadn’t planned or counted on. ~ Henri Nouwen

Last week I wrote about our Baptismal Covenant wherein I had discovered a Rule of Life built into it. It’s a simple rule of life, but not necessarily simple to live.  Part of the reason for this problem is that we don’t actually plan on how to we are going to execute it.

This week is a about the “whats” and the “how-tos”.  If we only have a rule that we aren’t tending, it will soon become pushed into the “sometime I might do this” part of our lives.  What to do and how to do it, specifically and personally, is what a rule is about.  The elements of the way are only an outline. What will I/we choose to do in each element and how will I personally live this out in my life is the question. Since what I am writing about this week is a continuation of what I wrote before, and if you haven’t a clue and really want to know what I’m talking about, let me know.

Whichever rule you choose will work if there are elements in it that help us carry out our promises made at our Baptism, grow spiritually, and become transformed into the image of Jesus. I often prefer to use the word “Way” rather than the word “Rule” because Rule sounds so much like law when all it really means is a way to measure and a way to grow in loving God and loving our neighbor. 

 I am a closet Benedictine, so when I began a way of life, I chose the method used by Cursillo printed on their Rule of Life Card. This is a modified Benedictine rule.  St. Benedict’s Rule was divided into regular daily periods of communal and private prayer, sleep, spiritual reading which is mostly scripture, and manual labor, which in modern times was modified into other forms of work that we do. In that case, we should probably add exercise to our way.  There was no need for that in Benedict’s time. I like that Benedict added sleep to his Rule.  I’m thinking of adding it to mine. Although, what Benedict called for here may be close to what I get when I don’t think I’m getting much.

 This rule includes Piety (Seek Holiness – prayer); Study (Learn the Story); and Action (Evangelism – Tell the story, Serve Others, etc.) There is a Check-in (accountability) method used in small groups – How is this way working for you and what action have you done to spread the Kingdom of God that you planned to do in the past week? It is strongly suggested that you share this plan and the results of it in your life with a spiritual director. This whole way (or rule) is to take place within the context of community (continue in the Apostle’s Teaching, the breaking of bread and in the prayers).

 How did I make my way specific? I already was receiving Holy Communion twice a week when it was available. I began making sacramental confessions from time to time.  I spent time in prayer, quite often reading those from the Book of Common Prayer.  I read some scripture, often it was the Bible verse at the top of a meditation from “Forward Day by Day” that was my daily reading. It took me some time before I was very faithful in the reading and study of the Bible. My action and service to others varied and usually took place in a group.  I met with a small group, weekly, to pray and to share how I have been accountable to my plan and to God. It is permissible to start small with your “Rule” and let it grow in you.

I had a way to go, and let me tell you a secret.  I still do. I have grown, and continue to grow, and how I follow my “way”, now, is quite a bit different than it was, but it is also quite a bit the same.  That’s what 40 or 50 years of being reasonably faithful will do to a person. Several, well many, years ago, I added play to my rule of life.  I had almost forgotten about that.  See, we need diligence. I will need to figure what I can do about this.  Deliberately planning what I will do in each element of my rule and planning when I will do what I have chosen is the key. My rule, at this time of my life, is a combination of the Trinity Way of Life, Daughters of the King’s, and my old sort of Benedictine Rule. They mesh well.

What will you choose for your way of life? It might very well be the Trinity Way.  It may be another one. If you are just starting out, don’t overwhelm yourself. Remember that Fr. Jack told us to start out in “Pay Attention (prayer)” by spending 10 seconds, yes – that’s right 10 seconds, paying absolute attention to God.  Do the same with the other elements of your way.  If you need some help getting started, give a holler. You will be amazed at what this does.

Bless the Lord, O my Soul, O my Soul.  Worship his holy name.Sing like never before, O my soul. I’ll worship your holy name. ~ Matt Redman