A FRIDAY MEDITATION – No Music

Since I am in the middle of writing Soul Food and I can’t seem to manage two things at once right now, I’ve pulled out a meditation from three years ago and slightly revised it. It spoke to me today. Please pray for those children and the families of those children who were kill, injured or traumatized in yet another school shooting in Texas, today. Come Holy Spirit, Come!

“Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed. Some say love it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed. Some say love it is a hunger an endless aching need. I say love it is a flower and you it’s only seed.
It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It’s the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It’s the one who won’t be taken who cannot seem to give and the soul afraid of dyin’ that never learns to live.
“When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long, and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong, just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows, lies the seed that with the sun’s love in the spring becomes the rose.” – The Rose, Amanda McBroom

This week, I wonder where my inner music went. Usually, some song is in my head. I just noticed, the last few days, there was none, and I wonder. Why not? When I worked in prison ministry, the female residents loved this song made popular by Bette Midler. They always wanted to sing it. They know about broken. They know about abuse. They know about things we don’t really want to know about. They know firsthand the things that are awful. They were trying to have hope. They were trying to find God. That’s why we were there. To be Jesus for them.

Why do I have the news as my homepage on the computer? Now, I have 5 Things I Need to Know Today from CNN that I feel compelled to read as well. Depressing. Horrible. Acts of Evil. Shootings everywhere, even in our own neighborhoods. Even in our schools. People homeless and starving. Children abused and killed, etc. The planet is being abused and could be beyond recovery, etc. Do I even want to know this? No!!

Why don’t I have something uplifting as my homepage? Why? Because I have to know. I need to be aware. How will I know what needs prayer? How will I know how to know to pray for the earth? God loves the evil doer but hates the evil they do and the darkness that evil brings. God calls us to pray for our enemies and to do good to those who hate us; even when we are furiously angry with them; even when our heart hurts, when we feel sick to our stomachs and even when we are afraid. How do we spread light in these desperately dark places? It is too big. How do we live within the Kingdom of God so that Jesus and his Kingdom are visible?

This prayer helps me. I visualize my heart space—the space where God dwells within. I don’t actually know what it looks like but I know how it feels. I put these enemies, or situations, in that space with God. I pray for his light to surround and fill each person or event. I pray for evil to be banished. I pray they all may know that God loves them. Brennen Manning said, “Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the Kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors. No evil can resist grace forever.” So, I hold them there and then, I look to see what I can do to bring light into the situations in front of me as God leads.

Sunday is Pentecost, the day we celebrate the coming of the Holy Spirit who gave power to the disciples of Jesus to make a difference and to proclaim the Good News. That same Holy Spirit is with us today for the same reason. Pentecost reminds me to ask God for a fresh infilling of the Spirit, because I run out of gas. I run out of hope. I run out of music. I need all of that to do my part in the Kingdom of God to make him visible to a hurting world. Join me. It takes all of us. Come Holy Spirit. Come.

May 22, 2015 (revised)

A FRIDAY MEDITATION – In All Circumstances?

 

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

 

Last Friday was my birthday.  I was going to write this then, but it wasn’t ready.  I had far more to ponder before it would come together. Ten months ago, I did not know if I would be here for this birthday. Of course, we really don’t know if we will be here on any particular day, but we assume for the most part that we will.  Anyway, I am grateful for this gift because that is what my life is. I am grateful for this birthday.

 

The Saturday before, I spent about five hours in the ER.  I was sent there because of a persistent bad cough and the doctor believed there was fluid buildup on my lung.  When the ER doctor gave me an ultrasound, he couldn’t find enough fluid to cause that much problem.  So, there were other tests including a CT scan that was administered by a friend. Another gift from God, I believe, that helped me see and know his love and hers.  There was something (they don’t know what) that was mostly occluding the lung tumor, so they couldn’t see it well.  They are assuming that it has grown and that it was causing the problem with my cough. I didn’t mention the fact that I had been praying for God to put some sort of bubble around the tumor to keep it contained. I’m chicken, I guess. I am now on some different drugs that has stopped the coughing.  Thank God.

 

This was not terrific news for us and we are still praying for a miracle.  God is sometimes a last-minute God. We have seen that before.  However, I need to prepare because as the psalmist in Psalm 31 tells God, he knows that his times are in God’s hands and in Psalm 39 he tells God he knows that his days are numbered. Ours all are. My life is still in God’s hands. I’m scared, sometimes, but don’t tell anyone because I try to be and act more brave than I am, occasionally. Recently, I ran across a Snoopy cartoon where Charlie Brown says, “Someday we will all die, Snoopy.” And Snoopy, wisely, says, “True, but on all the other days, we will not.” So how do we not on other days?

 

I really try to stay in the moment.  When I find myself afraid, I remember that right at this moment, I am alive and, mostly, don’t feel too bad. I would like a bit more energy. On these alive days, I am too live my life serving and loving God and others. So, I take a deep breath and go on.

 

I have another confession, and this really does go along with what I’ve already written, so hang on.  I have been having trouble with my gratitude.  I’m grateful for the same things – family, friends, home, food, etc., but why not, right???  However, though I know they are gifts, I often take them for granted.  Something needs to change because I quit making a gratitude list. I had to do better than this.

 

I started reading a brand-new book by Diana Butler Bass (Grateful – The transformative power of giving thanks) She said that some of the things we put on our list, though gifts, are partly privilege. We work hard.  We are able to get things. We sometimes forget that being able to do that is Gift. But, how are we grateful for things we consider bad or that really are bad?  I do not believe that God gave me cancer.  God does not will illness.  But the world is broken and evil, also, exists.  God wills healing but sometimes it doesn’t happen.  What if my number is coming up sooner than later? How can I be grateful in all circumstances? Well, I changed my gratitude list to add some different things.  I am still grateful for the above as well.  Some of things I thank God for are:  Our Trinity community – a piece of the Kingdom of God on earth; the gift of another day; for God holding me when I had a rocky day and couldn’t go to work as I had planned. I’m thankful that I had the energy to make an apple pie (mostly) and for my husband who finished it when I ran out of steam.

 

I thank God for a good physical therapy session for my sore back; that I was able to go to a Vestry meeting at church; my daughters successful medical procedure and for the most part, I feel OK. There are more that I put on my list but ‘space’ you know.  It’s amazing what can be found to thank God for when things are the “bad times”.   Listing them, helps me stay in the moment and remember Snoopy’s wise words. “But on the other days we will not.”  We “Practice Gratitude” in all circumstances.

 

Do you remember my story of my prayer where Jesus was sitting away from me wearing a black belt which gave my cause to giggle?  Just this week while I pray, the image has changed to one of him holding me and me holding him. What bad times?

 

A friend, a couple of days ago, posted a song on Facebook which was what I so needed for that day – I Am, by David Crowder.  Here’s part of it. I had a little cry while it played.

 

There’s no space that His love can’t reach.

 

There’s no place where we can’t find peace

 

There’s no end to Amazing grace

 

Take me in with your arms spread wide

 

Take me in like an orphan child

 

Never let go, never leave my side.

 

(Chorus) I am…holding on to you. I am holding on to you

 

In the middle of the storm, I am holding on.  I am.