O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land where there is no water. ~ Psalm 63:1
Have you ever felt such a longing aching desire for something but you couldn’t figure out what? Sometimes, I do. Today. There is a yearning for something. Sometimes it’s just a sense of something niggling at me. Something more. Today, it is strong. As I sit in my prayer chair I pray, “God, I need something but I don’t know what it is.”
As a child, there were times like this. You’ve heard the stories about when I lay on my back in a yard filled with dandelions, if grandma hadn’t already picked the greens to cook for supper, watching clouds and feeling what? Content. Yes, but part of the sky also. Part of something bigger. Something more.
There were other places, too. As a teenager, I would climb an ancient cherry tree. Sometimes, to get away from the hustle and bustle of a life filled with people in a tiny house. Sometimes, to reflect on things going on with my life at the time. Sometimes for solitude. The question, “Is there more than this?”
As a young adult with children – picnics, rocks by a stream, paths to unknown places. A life filled with busyness with little solitude or reflection. Fear and depression filled many days. More? I don’t know where to find it.
Later with children mostly grown, driving through Gore range – such beauty and longing.
Coming home from church and starting to change clothes, the question – or was it a thought, “There has to be more to the Christian life than this.”
And again, later. On top of Grand Mesa at Land’s End, standing in a field of wildflowers with the Grand Valley spread out way below and tears streaming down my face. What is it? I don’t know.
Riding in a car in New Mexico after a conference, nose pressed to the window looking at the sky covered in brilliant stars. I couldn’t get enough of it. Longing, hungry. Is there more?
These have been and are, I believe, times when God is calling. They are times when God is aching, too. God wants more.
My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away; for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.
The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.” ~ Song of Solomon 2:10-13
How do I respond when God calls for more? What helps me connect? How do I pay attention? Maybe I’m alone in a cherry tree. Maybe sitting by a stream or floating in a raft on a lake. Maybe I’m standing in a field of wildflowers on a mountain or a prairie. Sometimes, on my back in the grass watching clouds – not so much, now. Sometimes, I go to my favorite retreat house where I’m going soon. Often, I go to my prayer chair in my prayer room. I go to a place where there is silence and some solitude so I can go into the arms of the Lover and hear his voice. Or just be with him. Because there is More. I guarantee it.
Where do you go when God is calling? Where and how do you find More?
For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. ~ Psalm 62:5-6