“I do not understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.” ~ Anne Lamott
I really don’t know what God is up to at the moment. When I was looking over some past writings, I realized that I never really did the things I had wanted to do during Lent for the last three years. I plan, but then other stuff happens. Life happens and I can’t seem to manage to do what I wanted. Why?
This year, we’ve been in the process of moving out of the house we’ve sold and waiting, still, to get into our new one. This process has been dragging on and it looks like it will continue for a period of time. We finally have a house to buy, I believe, but the possession date is three months away. We are staying with a friend for now. Bless her. Someone asked if I prayed for patience and the answer is a definite NO. When I have, I get too many chances to practice. But I don’t know why the wait. Is this the right house?
The thing about discernment is that it always comes with an “I believe this is God’s will for me BUT I really don’t know for sure”. I believe I heard God’s voice in this house thing. It sounded like God at the beginning and it still does. I trust him entirely, but the problem is that I don’t trust me. I don’t know if I heard God, for absolute certainty, or if I am hearing the sound of my own voice and my own desires. So I take the next step and see what happens with it. Other doors have been closed and there is still a sense of rightness about this house. Discernment works that way. So why the long wait? “You know, God, people will think we’re crazy selling our house, especially since I keep saying that you told me to, before we have a new one in which to go. Don‘t you know your reputation could be at stake here? Or am I afraid that it’s my reputation at stake?” Well, perhaps, God has a plan for me. What is the lesson here? What area of growth and transformation are you working within me?
It could be because I hate asking for help. I don’t want to be a bother or a burden. I’m okay with asking for prayers on the prayer chain, but in other areas, I want to be able to take care of myself even in times when there is no possible way that I can. I think I grew up this way, so this is probably why I’ve had to ask for help. It’s about community. It’s about being the Body of Christ together. It’s about helping each other stand when life is overwhelming. I can’t be a body by myself. So, since my husband and I would never be able to do this moving thing without help, we had to ask for some.
Grace upon grace abounds. We had so much packing help that I am still astounded. I am so grateful for their loving presence, busy hands and strong backs. I am grateful for prayers of those who were not able to pack. We all needed those, too. I am filled with gratitude for a lovely place to stay while we wait for our house. Many thanks to all of you. You have blessed us. I bless you. I still don’t know what the long wait is about, but I will take the next step that appears before me and see where it goes.
Our steps are made firm by the Lord, when he delights in our way; though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the Lord holds us by the hand. ~ Psalm 37:23-24