“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”—Jeremiah 29:11
After another long day of doing “moving stuff”, I went archive diving for a meditation. This one seems to fit where I am today.
“Jesus told me that he needs to give me more interior space, so I need to let go of these fears. “Another layer is coming off,” I heard. This may be harder than making space in my home. I pray about “insecurity.” Jesus is showing up beside me on this journey in some very surprising and tangible ways. I had thought my insecurity “issues” were mostly healed, but any of us may have this issue at times. [With future home plans still up in the air, these issues resurface.]
“Without much detail, I was born by forceps delivery, five months after Pearl Harbor. It was revealed to me in prayer that I didn’t believe that the world was safe, picked up from my mother while in the womb, most likely. [We moved to Colorado when I was one] and between the ages of seven and 13, we moved at least seven times. I had to start over in meeting new people, going to new schools, churches, etc. One summer, we were homeless. Not living on the street homeless, but we did not have a home. [Sort of like today] My parents were without jobs. Our large family had to split up in order to live with friends. Even though I stayed with my best friend, it didn’t help much when, eventually, we were asked to leave. It was very embarrassing for a sensitive, shy introvert of 12. The rootlessness continued after we married and Dave went into the military. After that, we lived in Longmont for 21 years which I planned to be our last move. God had other plans [as usual] so I have become more or less accustomed to the nomadic life.
“Insecurity creeps in, occasionally, when my life changes. I begin to wonder where I fit, etc., but I have learned that, in Jesus, I will soon find my footing. God has used these experiences to mold compassion within me and without them I would not be who I am today… I have a picture [in my mind] of sitting under a tree with a path to either side. “Give me Jesus” I pray. He comes to sit with me [because] we are in this together.
“Did Jesus have insecurity, too, on his journey to the cross? He was like us in all ways but sin. The Bible doesn’t record this directly, but were his fears expressed when he was in prayer? Many times Jesus was in conflict with the religious authorities. His family thought he was crazy. When he started to understand that he was headed toward the cross, did he wonder if he understood his mission correctly? Did he wonder if he was on the right path and express this to his father? “In the morning, while it was still very dark, he got up and went out to a deserted place, and there he prayed” Mark 1:35. Was it then?
“There are many times where situations may cause insecurity in the life of an apprentice of Jesus—well, maybe not you—but he has been there before and will guide us through. Hang on tight and Pay Attention.” [My early morning centering prayer keeps me grounded and helps me to pay attention most days. I have learned not to be without it. With it I’m not so uptight and it calms my insecurity, even today.]
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”—Joshua 1:9