For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. ~ Psalm 62:5-6
A Journal note from a few days ago. I had been sitting and….
“God”, I say, “I think you have a big job ahead with me. It will take a long time, I believe, to get me to where you dream of me to be.”
God: “I have all the time in the world.” He smiles.
Me: “You are a funny God. I like your jokes. You make me laugh.” I feel God’s touch.
It’s been one of those days. I have sat here since early morning, with a break or two to play Sudoku and check my email. (And eat) My mind feels numb. Tired maybe. Yes? I read, in my procrastinating time, a couple of poems – one of them a song. I am not a poet but sometimes someone else’s sneaks into my soul and expands there while I read.
This by Kathie Hempel: “The blank page both beckons and mocks for who am I to think I can take on such a call?
Many thoughts scream, yet seem nothing new will ever escape from this word-laden spider web.
The dew of the web drips of promise and tears as I long to write something meaningful and inspiring. I mean, that’s what writers do is it not? However, I do not feel worthy.”
And a song by Neil Diamond: “BE”
“Lost – On a painted sky where the clouds are hung for the poet’s eye you may find him If you may find him
There – On a distant shore by the wings of dreams through an open door you may know him If you may
Be – As a page that aches for a word which speaks on a theme that is timeless and the one God will make for your day
Sing – As a song in search of a voice that is silent and the sun God will make for your way
And we dance to a whispered voice overheard by the soul undertook by the heart and you may know it – if you may know it
While the sand would become the stone which begat the spark turned to living bone
Holy, holy; Sanctus, Sanctus”
And by Henri Nouwen: “Solitude is the garden for our hearts, which yearn for love. It is the place where our aloneness can bear fruit. It is the home for our restless bodies and anxious minds. Solitude, whether it is connected with a physical space or not, is essential for our spiritual lives. It is not an easy place to be, since we are so insecure and fearful that we are easily distracted by whatever promises immediate satisfaction. Solitude is not immediately satisfying, because in solitude we meet our demons, our addictions, our feelings of lust and anger, and our immense need for recognition and approval. But if we do not run away, we will meet there also the One who says, “Do not be afraid. I am with you, and I will guide you through the valley of darkness.” ~ Henri Nouwen
So, what does all this say to me, today? These things that feed my soul when there seems to be nothing to write? Even though, the bright sun the last few days sends streams of water trickling into the streets. Even though, hope seems to be lurking around the corner for warmer days ahead. Even though I had two mornings of mostly solitude and silence in my office this past week. No words come. Nothing brilliant to put on a page. Nothing hugely inspiring to add to your week. Maybe that’s the point.
Yes, God has a big job ahead somedays. He probably appreciates my silent mind while he does his work. And after all, God has all the time in the world.