O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land where there is no water. ~ Psalm 63:1

I’m bored with myself.  Truly. There has been too much that keeps me self-focused, and I’m very tired of that.  I feel, and not only feel but am, very scattered.  I can’t get my mind to quit racing like a runaway truck in the mountains on l-70 looking for the emergency escape ramp.  I saw a truck that had used this once.  Because of the change in momentum, it had turned over and spilled all of it innards.  Mars candy bars!  Chocolate!  I really should have stopped to see if the driver needed help picking up, right?

Wednesday – A day in my life – one of those. I have started making more lists to keep me on track.  Usually, I send myself an email from my phone because it is always with me and I probably won’t lose my list.  But today, I wrote my list on a small yellow pad.  I was rushing around like crazy, trying to do a few more things (start laundry, start dishwasher, etc.) before I left for the office, and I wanted to remember what I needed to do later. Writing a phone email slows me down.  Hmm.

Escape ramp #1 – Awareness check – I had one more note to add to my list so I went to my note box (a note BOX– really??) and I couldn’t find the list.  I had just written it.  I looked everywhere I had been, but it wasn’t anywhere—one sure sign of stress I think. An image popped into my mind of wadding up a piece of yellow paper and throwing it into the trash. And sure enough, there it was. I wrote it and then, immediately, tossed it.

There two possible morals to this story. First, the stuff on the list doesn’t need doing – doubtful, or I don’t want to do them – probably, but I’ll check – hmm, some of each. Second, I’m not being mindful. I am crazy doing and not being aware.  A third possibility just came to mind. Perhaps, I feel like chucking it all in the trash. A thought.  I’m going with the second.

This is a rather humorous story, but a serious problem, not only for everyday life but, also, for my intimate relationship with God. I know why I am scattered and unaware at the moment and I don’t want to live in this space. What to do?  Last week I wrote that silence, solitude, meditation and soul friends are a big help, always, but especially now.  I had a wonderful meeting with soul friends on this Wednesday. Meditation is difficult because of my racing mind.  A question: Did Jesus have this problem?  He seemed so focused. He did often go away from the crowd to a quiet place to pray and regroup – silence, solitude, prayer. Maybe that’s why. Don’t we all need this?  Don’t we all have times like these?

Escape ramp #2 – The power went out – the garage door wouldn’t open. I couldn’t finish getting ready for work and I couldn’t get the car out of the garage. Maybe this is a “slow down” and that did get my attention. Prayer and meditation required. The power came back on and I did get to work.  Lesson noted.

We can simply want our situation solved — when God simply wants to be our answer.” Ann Voskamp


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