Dark and cheerless is the morn unaccompanied by thee;
joyless is the day’s return, till thy mercy’s beams I see,
till they inward light impart glad my eyes, and warm my heart.
~ Hymnbook 1982, (vs.2)
In a few hours, I will be leaving for the Spiritual Direction Colorado convention. I’ve been rushing around like crazy getting ready and am tempted to put off my quality time with God, at least for an hour or two. I do talk to him all during the day, and I try to listen, so it will be OK this time, right? But that will be different from sitting down and just being with him. We have a date and he doesn’t get my full attention for more than a minute or two, no matter how much I try, unless I keep that appointment.
Some random thoughts go through my head as I rush around:
A scripture verse from today’s lessons in John 5 – Jesus said, “Do you want to be made well?” – (vs.6)
I better go down to the basement and get the suitcase. What clothes do I need?
Don’t I really want this? Yes. Don’t I really believe that being still with Jesus is the main thing? Who was it that said, when asked why he prayed so much, “I’m too busy not to pray”? I don’t know. Maybe I’m thinking of Martin Luther who said, “I have so much to do that I must spend the first three hours of each day in prayer.”
Don’t forget the phone charger. Or the checkbook.
Someone said, “We can’t really be like Jesus unless we have a wound.” I need to ponder this.
Don’t I want to be made well?
If I don’t do what I say is important to me, how will this aching, yearning, hollow-feeling, need for my Love be filled, healed and transformed unless He fill it? How? Or is that what drives me to God? Us to God?
A story by Max Lucado – “I’d had enough of my father’s rules and decided I could make it on my own, thank you very much. I got to the end of the alley and remembered I was hungry, so I went back home! Did Dad know of my insurrection? I suspect he did. Was I still his son? Apparently so. No one else was sitting in my place at the table.
“Suppose someone had asked my father, “Mr. Lucado, your son says he has no need of a father. Do you still consider him your son?” What do you think my dad would have said? He considered himself my father even when I didn’t consider myself his son. His commitment to me was greater than my commitment to him. So is God’s. I can count on him to be in my corner no matter what! And you can too!
“I thank God for this. I can’t make it on my own. When I find myself not remembering this, God in his mercy gives me something to deal with that reminds me, in the struggle, that there is absolutely no way I can make it without him every day, without spending quality time with him.”
God is always here. I’m the one who moves away.
“Be still and know”, I hear.
“Give me Jesus”, my heart answers.
So somewhat late I go to my prayer chair.
Visit then this soul of mine? Pierce the gloom of sin and grief!
Fill me radiancy divine; scatter all my unbelief;
more and more thyself display, shining to the perfect day. – (vs.3)